Weekly recap: 18 weeks to go.

This is officially the first week of an 18 week training cycle, and of course, I did the thing you shouldn't do... compared current running Monica to past training cycles (particularly, both my 2013 marathons). In some ways I am the same, in that the paces I can put in are pretty similar. But mentally, I am far beyond where I was last year. When my coach gives me my workouts, I am excited to take them on. I trust myself, and my ability to do them. I am confident that I will be able to run the workout well, instead of fearing it. And I am consistent. I can dial into a set pace without too much stress. Last fall I had a few tempos (even 2 mi sets) where I would flip out over the pace, stopping every few tenths of a mile to get worked up, almost cry, be frustrated, and my paces reflected this. They were up, down, fast, slow, uneven. Now, I can look at them and think "yes, I am capable of this". But on the flip side, I can also take it with a grain of salt. If the workout doesn't go as planned, or I feel it's a struggle, I can accept that it's what my body had for the day. It's a brick in the foundation. Brick by brick...

This week:

Monday: 6ish easy miles. Felt extra fatigued, and took it really easy. Gold star for listening to my body.

Tuesday: 3 sets of 4x400 at 5k pace. I love 400s! I give myself the allowance to run at a pace faster than 5k, as long as I don't hit the time slide (the splits getting slower). Ran this in pouring rain and a freak hail storm. That was a little rough, but I felt pretty badass by the time I was done. My splits were still where I wanted them for the most part, and given conditions, I was pleased.

Screen capped my own snapchat. It was cold and wet, but those are really earbuds! Soooaked. 

Wednesday: National running day! Also known as my rest day. I went for a 3 mi walk, and maybe jogged a few steps? I do what I want.

Following kidlet on our evening walk/ride

Thursday: Broken tempo. 8 miles with 2x15 min segments at HMGP. I struggled to find the pace at first, and was frustrated with feeling tired (duh, speedwork fatigue in my legs!) and the pace being hard. Stopped watch-gawking and the pace dialed in. Still wasn't the best I've felt, but it was what I wanted to run. I was way dehydrated all night afterward, until about 9, when the 2190 oz of water I'd consumed finally hydrated me and I had to get out of bed every 5 minutes.

Friday: Easy 6 on lunch. It was warm and I made the mistake of wearing compression socks. Too warm! Kept it easy and comfortable.

Saturday: Long run of 14 miles!! I was a little tired for this, but for 2 hours of running, it kind of flew by. I ran out in Coeur d'Alene which was a nice change of scenery for me, and did a double out and back. I tried my first V-fuel gel (cool citrus-delicious actually!) and felt pretty decent until the last couple miles.

Post long run with my coffee and feet up. 

Sunday: 5 easy in the evening. FINALLY a run that I ran easy, but instead of feeling like I needed the easy pace, I felt like I was focusing on holding myself back. It was nice to feel like I had another level instead of just "well, there's no other pace than this easy slog". I wore my HR monitor for the first time in ages, and confirmed to myself that yes, I've got a hummingbird heart and to run in an easy HR zone, I would essentially walk. Not sure I'm on board with that idea yet.

Is there a contest for sweatiest runner? Did I win? Yes, I did. 

Sunday morning was again a morning of spectating! The man friend (I need a better nickname than this, but so far, I'm uncreative, and why would I actually use his real name) was racing a sprint tri. He's doing his first Ironman in 3 weeks! It was so fun watching him and other friends race, and I'm excited to be the ironfan in a few weeks. Unrelated but boy do I have a partially formulated post on what it means to be on the other side of endurance training. It's a beast of a different breed. I had a great time though, and was definitely having tri-envy by the end... uh oh?

Total weekly mileage: 47.5 (highest week this year!)

Do you love running through hideous weather? Or would you rather wait for better conditions? 

What's your favorite coffee drink post run? 

Throwback Thursday: Eugene Marathon 2013

I am stealing this idea shamelessly from Lindz and recapping past races because I didn't blog when I ran these, and of course they need to be memorialized! Plus it's a good way for me to continue figuring out how to blog! (Oh... just write words. Got it!)

On that note, let's start with the Eugene Marathon last April! This was one of the best 'marathon weekends' I've done, where it was more than just to show up, chill, do the race. 

Background on my training for this race, since there isn't 4 months of blog-log to detail what I did. I followed the Hanson Marathon Method advanced plan. I ran almost every single workout as written, altering a few due to niggling 'is that a potential injury' or due to illness, because heck, it started in winter and of course I got strep. I completed the 18 week training cycle feeling strong, capable, and ready to really race a PR. 

And then there was the taper. One week out from Eugene, I was going downstairs in my house, and caught my heel in my sweats, falling down the stairs on my back side! Immediate panic ensued as I tried to catch my breath/assess my body. It ended up being just a big ol' bruise in my booty and sore back. Test run the next morning and it was painful when my butt jiggled every step (yes, it does that. Also, my thighs touch. Bam) but it was tolerable. I felt relieved. I ran downtown with my sister, her jogger, and was feeling optimistic again. Then, on the walk back to my car, I had put on flip flops, and it was raining. I was thinking to myself to be careful, it was slick. The very next step my feet slipped on the concrete and I landed flat on my back on the sidewalk! Thanks to my Oiselle spike bag I was buffered from slamming my head into the ground but the fall still snapped me. A passing car stopped to check on me, and offered to drive me home. I think I baffled them as I blubbered hysterically trying to explain that I was fine NOW but "I... have... a... marathon *sob sob hiccup gulp*" I iced my neck all day, and the next day. I got an emergency massage and a visit to my chiropractor revealed whiplash, and both guys seemed skeptical about my race. Two days later, I was on antibiotics for strep again as well. It was the taper week from hell. I was so confident, and this week took me down. I waffled from confident, to embracing any finish time, to the possibility of a DNF. I accepted all the outcomes. I let go of my BQ dream. I just planned to enjoy the trip. 

Friday morning I dropped kidlet off at school, letting him believe that he was spending the weekend with Papa and Lori while I traveled. I kept it a secret that he would be going on his first flight! Around lunch, I went to the school and snuck into his class to surprise him with a toy plane and a note telling him he was coming! He was speechless with excitement and then cried. It was so fun to kick off the trip that way. We got cupcakes and then headed off to the airport! 

 

Sea-Tac waiting to fly to Eugene

 We arrived in Eugene Friday evening to stay with my cousin Liesel and her family. I hadn't seen her in more than 10 years and was so excited to visit! We stayed in her beautiful home and I absolutely was ready to move there within 5 minutes of landing. Ben hit it off with the other kidlets, including Liesel's twin girls! She fed us an amazing meal of mexican lasagna and salad and we relaxed and hung out catching up. I ended up going to bed kind of early because of the travel and I was exhausted.

Saturday morning I was up early and had a yummy breakfast... seriously, I wanted to ask Liesel to adopt me... there was talk of needing a nanny later on in her year, and I was genuinely willing to be said nanny just to stay. She took me down to UO so I could go on a shake out run with Oiselle birds and bloggers. I was a little like a fan girl meeting so many women who's blogs/twitters I already stalked, and several new people who I now follow/read/fangirl. I was tempted to ask them all to autograph my Winona tank, but I contained myself .We ran on Pre's trail and chatted, shifting groups/paces to talk to everyone. It was so beautiful and surreal to be running around Eugene. Running town USA! It wasn't my first trip to Eugene or running on Hayward Field, but it was still incredible.

Working up some allergies on Pre's trail with the birds! 

Liesel picked me up when it was over, and we got ready for lunch. There was a lot of socializing and meetups among the other athletes, but I was content to spend the time with my family and keep from overthinking my race with all the other goal talk that was likely flying around. We got burgers for lunch and they dropped me at the expo. I was so lucky to stay with family who kept Ben occupied so that I didn't have to tote him around to boring things. I wandered around the expo, visiting with newfound friends I'd met that morning and shopping. I picked up a pint glass (because duh) and 'the stick'. Unfortunately I left the expo prior to seeing Lauren Fleshman speak, and I was bummed to miss it! Liesel retrieved me and we went to Vanilla Jill's and the Nike Store before going back to her house. From there we just relaxed and she sweetly made my pre-race meal of Chicken Marsala (from scratch, and it was amazing!). Her parents, my aunt and uncle, came for dinner, and I hadn't seen them in years either. It was so nice to see family. I ate as much as I could, prepped all my things for the next morning, painted my race nails, and headed to bed early-ish.

Race morning I was up early! Due to some last minute scheduling, Liesel had to leave earlier than I was up for a trip to Mexico, bummer! Her husband, the twins and Ben were planning to spectate the race. Unfortunately the text updates didn't work out well, and I was always ahead of them when they tried to find me. They were on Agate near. the finish but I never saw them on the course.

I had my coffee, oatmeal, and banana before the taxi arrived to take me to the start. The cabbies were so cool, 2 guys around my age, and we chatted away about the race and kept my nerves at bay until they dropped me at the start. I carried my Nutella toast with me for 30 minutes, ate one bite and finally tossed it. 

I saw some of the girls from the day before, but for the most part waited solo feeling a little lost and lonely. It was my 4th marathon, and not the first time I have been solo at a start line but it felt weird. I found fellow bird Sarah who was running in the Oiselle bridal outfit for the half and waited in the corral with her. The start is a blur, I believe there were words, perhaps a moment of silence for Boston, and Sweet Caroline played as we took off and the marathon was under way. 

From the get-go, I was concerned. In any race, usually the first mile involves reigning it in, feeling fresh, and being eager to race! I was sluggish, my pace was 20 seconds off of my goal pace, and it felt terrible. I tried to keep calm. I have never been a mantra girl, but had been reading Chrissie Wellington's 'A Life without Limits' the week before. "Ebb and Flow" ended up being the thought that carried me through the highs and lows of the day. It started on an ebb. Around mile 2-3 I had to stop and pee, before it got the best of me. I was watching my watch, trying to find a rhythm and struggling. I came through 5k in 25:31, slightly slower than planned but in such a long race, it was fine.

After that, I finally just decided to 'let it roll'. After following the Hanson plan, I had done week after week of goal pace runs and decided to just let go and run however my legs wanted. My pace dropped down and I felt the rhythm come together. There was always an underlying feeling of fatigue and heaviness which I later realized was from the effects of antibiotics on my hydration, as well as the injuries and setback from the weekend before. I hit 10k in 50:06 feeling solid. The 'hill' Eugene offers came along, and I felt fine on it. I saw the Oiselle cheer squad several times in the early parts of the race and felt a little more cheerful and upbeat! I had to check my pace every time I passed them because I would get giddy and pick it up. 

After 10, I know we dropped into some park paths and neighborhoods, but I can't remember much of the course. I focused on people ahead of me and reeled people in, still feeling like I was doing alright. I was taking gels every 5 miles as planned, and eating Honey Stinger chews in between, as well as drinking at every station. I hit the halfway point feeling good in 1:45.12. My pace was picking up each split and I started chanting to myself "you are a 3:30 marathoner, you are a 3:30 marathoner". Not long after this though, everything caught up to me.

Double thumbs up to K-Met and the Bird Squad around 16! 

As we hit the cheer squad around 16 miles I waved to the Oiselle girls and gave a thumbs up. As we ran past, and crossed a foot bridge (uh maybe? Or maybe I made that up) I suddenly felt exhausted. Maybe this was standard fatigue, but it seemed too early, and too heavy. I started worrying a little more, and around 18-19 miles, I was slowing and finally surrendered to my first walk break. I hit 20 miles in 2:41.47 (an average 8:06 pace, my goals still well within reach). I was struggling hard. I tried to run, and we were in the park where there was some shade, but I was not doing well. 

I was just ecstatic the photographer caught this priceless moment of death face. 

From 17 on, I couldn't take in fuel anymore, and after 20, I started throwing up. I would dump water on my head, and try to drink, but nothing was staying down. I was extremely hot and had chills at the same time. Girls with the same goal as mine began passing me. They offered words of encouragement, and I would try to hang on to each one as she passed, but was soon dropped again.

Kidlet finally spotted mom heading into the finish

Honestly, I remember little of the last 6 miles. I was becoming delirious. I was still trying to do math, clinging to my goal of breaking 3:35 and earning my BQ. My math skills were shockingly bad as I believed it was within reach until the last mile. I made it past our shake out run spot, back onto Agate. I saw the Oiselle girls and heard the roar of crowds in Hayward. I walked. My quad cramped so bad that it was walk or faceplant. And there's really no bouncing back from the faceplant is there? Somehow I pulled it together to turn into Hayward and kept telling myself "You don't walk on Pre's track. And you don't puke here either. Just hold it together. Just finish this thing." 

I look a lot stronger than I felt. Fake it til you make it? 

And I did. I forgot to put a hand over heart for Boston... but honestly, I think I had forgotten my name at that point too. I finished in 3:37.05. It wasn't the goal I set and I was very disappointed at first and definitely cried about it afterward, but as more time passed I came to accept what an amazing race it really was, all things considered. Given the fact that I had accepted a possible DNF, or a 4+ hour marathon, I ran much better than I expected. 

Lindsey, me, Amy, and Sarah. I trained with L & A all winter/spring and they ran great marathons (Lindsey's first!) and Sarah raced an awesome half!

After I finished, I found other friends from the weekend, some of whom had crushed their goals and others, like me, who had not had the day they wanted. I have learned from that day, and since, that the marathon is such a fickle beast. Most of them will not be perfect, or even great. The stars will not always align. Hell, most of the time they won't. But that's why we keep trying. I have had the 'unicorn' marathon where it is magical. Running in Eugene was amazing though, in the end. The weekend was perfect and I would gladly return and run again. (But maybe not in July. Put it back in April!)

Tired selfie at home with my medal. Proud of this race!

Who feels a little like a fan girl when they meet 'friends from the internet'? 

How do you overcome a tough week to try and race well?

Best city you've traveled to for a race?? 

Weekly Recap: the random week

I've never done a recap before... it's probably not going to be super exciting! So, now that I've basically said "Don't read this"... keep reading it please?!

I feel like this is the prologue week? This week is officially 18 weeks from my fall marathon, which is kind of what I consider my 'official' training cycle. So over the last week it was basically a recovery from the CDA 1/2 last weekend, and just a chance to start working on my head. While I didn't 'race' the half, it did turn out to be a 13 mile goal pace run, so it did require a little recovery.

Monday: 5 recovery miles. The first chance to take the Garmin and practice NOT panicking when my pace crept up into the 9 minute range (for me, that's the pace I tend to avoid). I made sure not a single mile dipped under 9. I ran to redbox, returned 'Frozen' (took me months to finally see it, adored it!) and ran home. It was hot, but the easy pace felt amazing.

Tuesday: 7.5 miles at the Swifts speed workout. I went intending to see how I felt and not push myself too hard. Even the warm up felt tough, and I was much more tired than I expected. We ran a combo of 800s on the roads, and short hill repeats in between sets. It felt decent, but my hip started tightening up badly on the 4th 800 so I backed off and just finished the workout at a moderate pace.

Wednesday: Rest day! I went to the pool for my first swim in ... oh 18 months. I think since I raced my last triathlon. It was a rude awakening. Running fitness does not translate to the pool and my shoulders were screaming after 100 yards. I swam 30 minutes, and lost count of my laps. It felt rusty and my lungs were toast by the end. All night I had the 'take a sort of deep breath, cough a lot' problem. Swimming will hopefully make a regular appearance going forward.

Super awkward gym selfie after a swim! Fuzzy cap hair, goggle eyes... I'm a catch!

Thursday: 5 miles easy and strides. Kept the pace in check again... and ran the strides hard. Nothing fancy!

Friday: 6.3 miles at an easy pace again. It almost feels like cheating to take the miles so easy! But boy it seriously feels so good. Just overriding the panic of "I'm getting slooooow!!! Must speed up!"

Saturday: 12 mi long run. I met up with my friend Danielle who had 8 miles on her plan with a tempo section. We ran a 2 mi warm up, her 4 mile tempo at her HMGP, a 2 mi cooldown and then I ran the 4 mi loop one more time to complete my mileage. I ended up with a fast finish run, just to get it done! It was a warm day even by 8 when we started, and we were both melting.

Sunday: 6 mile run in the evening, preceded by 25 min swim and 25 min weight session while kidlet noodled around the pool. Tried to focus on arms so that my legs could run later, but lifting after a swim? Whoa. And  Lauren Fleshman's Freaking Awesome ab workout-which I'm in love with and try to do 2-3x a week.

No sleep, unpictured huge coffee, and some cowbell. Ready to cheer!!

I spent Sunday morning spectating the Windermere half marathon which was a blast! My sister ran her 2nd half ever, killing it with a 12 minute PR! A ton of my Swifts teammates and friends were also racing. It was a lot of fun to leapfrog and cheer everyone on! Some days, it's so good to be a spectator. I may have been in tears hollering at my sister as she finished the run.

Super sister! With her mile long stride headed for her 1:38 finish!!

Anyone else love spectating just as much? Or do you always wish you were racing too?

Who else swims about as fast as driftwood? I think a floating foam noodle lapped me! 

31 and 13.1

Well actually, 13.5, but we'll get to that! Covering 2 things in one post might get a little long winded... Sorry! Sort of.

This weekend I celebrated my 31st birthday. I was excited to be carded twice! And the waitress at dinner asked me if I was 'sticking at 29, or actually aging" aging, of course! I'm not just 30 now, but in my thirties. It's not quite as scary as I thought it would be. It's a little silly, but even now, I still like to feel special on my birthday. As a single mom, even with mother's day, a birthday is kind of the one day a year I really like to be all about me. Fortunately, the people in my life indulge me on this one, and it was another great weekend (yes, I take the whole weekend. Sometimes a week.)

I essentially celebrated by consuming 31000 calories. Iced lattes and a park walk with Jessie and our boys in the morning after my short shake out run. Lunch with my mom, sister, brother in law, nephews, and of course kidlet downtown at Rock City Grill where I ate my weight in greek chicken. We shopped a little at the running stores downtown, and I picked up a new Lululemon Pacesetter skirt. These are my go to race bottom... I feel a little silly wearing it casually to run, so they tend to be 'race only' apparel. Never thought I'd be a 'skirt runner' but it's turned out that way. Easier to hide all the sweat and avoid looking like I peed my shorts (I haven't! But it always looks that way. Sweaty girl problems...)

Sister and I at lunch... doing what we do best... eat! And runner's tan plus strapless dress? Maybe not.

I headed to Idaho in the afternoon to go to dinner with the man friend at Satay in Coeur d'Alene and pick up our race packets for the CDA half marathon the next morning. More rich pasta and an amazing Bananas Foster dessert later (and a glass of wine, because when it's your birthday...) I was happily stuffed and slightly worried about the price I might pay the next day for my indulgences. But it was a wonderful birthday.

Race Recap

Sunday I was signed up for the CDA 1/2 marathon. The last time I ran this race the was the day after I turned 25, 6 years ago! It was my 2nd half marathon at the time-and yesterday it was 17. The course was new this year, starting at the new McEuen park near the resort in Coeur d'Alene vs Riverstone where the race has previously begun. This essentially changed the entire course and I knew it would be hillier than before. The course now wove a bit downtown then ran along Coeur d'Alene Lake Drive out to Higgins Point and then back (And a double out and back for the full. Ouch!)

This year I've taken to running races without a watch, and had only loose goals going into this run. I hoped to run around 1:45 which essentially would be around goal marathon pace. My stomach had been questionable all morning and even though I took my usual chewable Children's Pepto, I wasn't confident it would stay calm. I started with my friend & teammate Linda and we ran the first mile together. She dropped back a touch at that point and while I never looked back, I think she was right on my tail the whole race! I know mile 1 was a 7:47 as we wove out of town and had some gradual minor descents. I felt comfortable and settled into the effort, reminding myself to relax when people passed me.

When we hit our first ascent out onto the lake road, I felt comfortable. I'm not a confident hill runner, and I have been avoiding them so I was anxious how I would react mentally and physically, but I maintained effort up the first hill. That basically set the tone for the rest of the climbs. Each time a hill loomed, I fretted a bit about when/where I would begin to walk, and it never came to that. Huge mental triumph for my brain! The miles slid by pretty quickly. Man friend had started much further back than me, so every time a tall guy in a blue shirt crept into vision I checked to see who it was. There were a LOT of blue shirts out yesterday. He caught and passed me around 2 miles into the run, cruising away after a little chat.

I thought about picking up to a more tempo effort around mile 4... which might have coincided with the next daunting (to me) hill. The road is also banked out on the lake, and several miles were uncomfortable just running at that angle. It's ideal for cyclists, but not comfortable for running. As we hit the hill, I focused on one girl ahead of me, my form, the runners coming back down, and before I knew it, the climb was over and I hadn't quit. Down we went! The hills out here are rolling but much bigger than I like to 'roll' on. I never really picked up the effort, just cruised along down a very long decline dreading the return back up it. On my way out, the full marathoners were headed back and if they could truck up, so could I. Shortly before I reached the turnaround, I saw teammate Jackie run back past looking strong. Jackie had lost her son earlier that week, and had decided to run in his honor and seeing her out there was a huge inspiration. I was eager to finish so I could give her a hug. Just behind her was man friend still looking strong.

Somewhere around mile 5 my stomach had started to get shifty, and every bathroom I passed I had a long debate of 'do I stop here!?' but they were all more easily accessed by the return path, whereas on the way out, I would have had to veer way out of my way to get to one. I talked myself into waiting for the next one each time but I was uncomfortable and had backed off my pace a little to keep from an embarrassing situation. From the turnaround I headed back up the long climb with 2 other girls nearby. I focused on staying with them, and we worked together up the hill. Out of nowhere another teammate, Lindsay, popped up alongside me. She was out spectating and showed up at the perfect time to talk me up the hill. I suppose the fact that we were chatting away meant I was running comfortably without too much effort. We made it up this long climb, down the next descent and I finally had to stop at a bathroom. I jumped off the course around 8.5 and into a porta potty. I don't know if this helped or hurt because the concern of ruining my new skirt was gone, but a nausea set in that hung on for the rest of the run. Every 10 minutes or so I would 'brake' and run slower until the sickly urges and waves of nausea subsided, then pick up again.

After 10.5 I was really feeling sketchy and finally took a walk break around 11 as we turned back into town. It was frustrating to have to do that, but it wasn't worth humiliation (is it ever!?). Linda passed me around this point, looking really strong. I began running again, hoping to catch her and run it in together, but I would make a few minutes progress and have to back off again... nothing like the walk/run when you don't want to to bring on fatigue. My calves started tightening up and I was ready to be done. I just kept trotting along through the LONGEST LAST MILE and finally saw the park, and my excited sister cheering at mile marker 13 while I made sad puppy faces at her. As I passed that mile marker though, I could see what should have been .1 up ahead of me. And the runners were.. turning a corner. I knew where we started and where we would finish but it was SO FAR. I've run a lot of .1s in my life, and this was the longest ever. I saw Lindsay again who urged me to kick it up down the gradual descent after the corner but I shook my head and told her 'I don't want to have an accident!' Unfortunately, there isn't a runner out there who can't relate to the feeling of not wanting to crap your pants running. I finished without much of a kick in 1:49.21. I found man friend along the finish chute who informed me his garmin showed a course distance of 13.5. I know we runners all assume the Garmin dictates reality, and I rarely every complain about the course being long or short based on a Garmin... in this case I think it was justified. Just knowing how far I ran from 13 to the finish, it was clearly more than .1. Several other runners confirmed the same extra .4 on their watches. Thanks for the extra mileage?!

I am pretty happy with how this run went down. I calculated my pace later with the extra distance and minus the bathroom break, I ran close to an 8 min pace. I felt strong the whole way and didn't feel fatigue until double digit miles. It set me up to feel confident in my next training cycle and goals. The nausea hung on for most of the day, but at least I know that was in my control! And the food was worth it. Well... maybe.

We left the race and after getting my Starbucks (required) and cleaning up, man friend took me to Fleet Feet to get new running shoes for my birthday! That boy remembered the way to my heart! I may not ever want to buy 'normal shoes' like most girls, but running shoes? Brooks are my Manolos. All in all, it was a pretty great birthday weekend, and I am excited for this next year!

"Do you want to get new shoes for your b-day?" DO I! 

What are the best running related gifts you've gotten?

Anyone else out there racing with naked wrists? 

Goal setting without numbers

A couple weeks before the 'official' start of my next training cycle seems like the ideal time to really think about what goals I have for the next 4+ months of running. There are the obvious time oriented goals. It's almost impossible to approach marathon training without some ideas of what kind of time you'd like to run. It's the simplest form of measuring progress. So of course, those exist. But this isn't about that, because there are things I want to accomplish in this cycle that go deeper than the clock at the finish line. 

Respect the easy day

This seems like it should be the easiest one to accomplish. Just... slow down, right? But it takes a lot of courage to trust that running slower will help me run faster. So far, I've failed at this on almost every easy run. I make the mistake of going medium hard all the time. I push on the hard days, but then... I push a little on the easy days. I think "yep, 8:00 should be my 'easy pace' and 8:20s should feel like a walk". Note to self: easy pace and goal marathon pace should not be the same. I know people who are masters of the easy pace, and race phenomenally. I've been on this plateau of race times/training paces for a while. While I've made some progress, it's obvious I have nothing to lose by running slower than the pace I think "should" be my easy pace. This includes running without a watch and focusing on a pace that someone could probably walk and keep up with, or getting on the treadmill to force an easy pace. 

My super speedy sister: master of the easy pace/fast race

Be proud of myself

Or you know, maybe I'll climb Mt Everest. I think they would be equally possible for me to accomplish. To be positive about a negative, I am amazing at beating myself up. Anyone who has run with me, supported me, or talked to me post race knows... I am hard on myself (understatement?!). I focus on the mistakes, the flaws, the failures. Even with my PRs, I am vaguely enthusiastic and then nitpick the reasons why I wasn't faster. But a bad race? A missed goal? Look out, I will cry, sulk, and tear myself down. This isn't fun for the people around me, who have to listen while I flip out over the fact that I am not having the breakthroughs I am working for, and it's not fun for me either. I am minimizing my achievements based on a time. The great races will come. Every run is making me stronger, even if it's imperfect. I ran in a 5k last month, on impulse. It wasn't a PR, but it was close, and I was so proud of that run because I had begun to believe I couldn't get there again. It was a big moment of being proud (ecstatic!) about an outcome that didn't require a 5 minute PR to make it worth celebrating. 

Nobody should look this disappointed at the finish line of the marathon! Come on!

Negative Self Talk... Stop it. 

This might sound like the last goal, but this is more about what happens in my head in the midst of the battle. Just yesterday during my speedwork I was running my 2 mile tempo at half marathon goal pace. I'd already run 1 mi at 5k pace and I was exactly on the pace I planned. But it was hard. I was hot. I was struggling, and constantly had to refocus and push myself back onto pace. In the last half mile it started to really spiral... "this is hard. there is no way I can run a half marathon at this pace, I can't even survive 2 miles at this pace. My expectations are too high. I'll just have to be okay with never reaching that goal". The same thing happens in races. "This is hard, those people are cruising, it looks so easy for them, I am dying. I sound like a gorilla. I feel like a manatee on land. My legs weigh 500lbs each." I focus easily on everything that feels bad. I tell myself I am not strong, this isn't my day, or simply "I'm not good enough". When I want to walk, and I ask myself that standard "do you want to throw away X miles of hard work and give up here?" .... "Yes, who cares, let's walk". I've made some baby steps here-my recent half marathon PR was a huge breakthrough mentally. It was a rare instance of managing the negative, turning it around and finding ways to talk myself into pushing more. It's a constant battle that, just like the physical training, needs to be worked on regularly. I can't expect to show up on race day and suddenly have a mental toughness that I haven't cultivated over the preceding months and miles. 

One of the few times mantras worked to keep me from quitting/walking/giving up! Progress!

Comparison is the thief of joy

Runners provide an incredible network of support and encouragement. That's a given, but there is also the problem of comparing to others. That can't be just me, right?? It's the downside to reading blogs, interacting on any kind of social media, heck, it happens in real life even. I am responsible for being the best runner I can be. But it is sooo easy to fall into a trap of "but they do their runs that fast, I have to do that too if I want to accomplish the same time goal they have. They are light years ahead of me... I can't run a 3:XX marathon because I am not near them!" It's not about that. Take encouragement, be inspired... but realize that every runner is different, and our journeys, what works for us isn't the same as what works for the next athlete. I want to focus on my own accomplishments and progress so that when I reach the starting line, I trust my training. I don't want to be thinking about how I didn't do workouts I read about, or hit paces other people did. I want to run the race knowing I trained the best for myself. 

...

I read runfargirl's recap of her incredible SugarLoaf marathon... and what resonated with me was her paragraph about how her goal was to finish feeling triumphant. I emailed that paragraph to a few friends, just thinking "YES! This!" I have time goals obviously, and running the race and PR I know I am capable of should equal a BQ. What runner doesn't want that? Of course I do. But it is not the reason I signed up for my next marathon. When people ask if a BQ is my goal, my response is a "...weeelllll yes... but..." because all I want really is to run the race I know I am capable of. I want to do justice to the 4+ months of training that goes into it. To celebrate the strength I built over so many miles. I know my dreams are within reach because the training has been there the last few times. The race just hasn't clicked yet. I trust what I can do for an entire training cycle as evidence that I will get the chance to finish a triumphant marathon. But these pieces will be large parts of the puzzle over the next several months as I prepare my body, mind and heart to be ready! 

I can't wait!